MPD? Nah, just me….fun with art!
So imagine if you will a room. There are two people in this room, both of them are me. One of me, the one-that-is-connected-to-everything and knows everything is watching the other me. The other me is writhing around, suffering, unsure of what comes next and whether or not I can make it as an artist.
The other me is drawing trees and flowers and painting abstracts and wondering why suddenly all the larger pieces I have been working on look like crap. The other me is at an artistic crossroads and the me-that-is-connected is laughing, she is laughing because she knows everything will work out and that I am in the perfect place.
She throws out “why don’t you dye your hair black and wear some of that really pasty make-up, you’ve got the angst for it, I really think you should go for it”. The me that is writhing glares at her from the floor.
I wonder if I should post this, it isn’t pretty, it isn’t nice. I am really at a crossroads with my self and my work. Will I move past it and learn what I need to? Of course I will, I haven’t stopped creating during this process and I won’t. 
Are the dogs of doubt nipping at my heels with sharp, pointy teeth? Yep, they sure are. I don’t know if this is true for all artists, but for this one, the self doubt gets pretty loud sometimes. So it is time to regroup.
It is also (apparently) time to take a really hard look at myself as an artist and make some discoveries. One of the things I am looking at is what do I really want to paint? I can paint anything I want to with enough study and work.
What do I love? What do I really want to communicate? Who am I? What do I bring to the table that is unique enough to separate my work from the pazillions of painters out there….news at 11.
I decided to write this and post it because the suffering and the doubts are as much a part of my journey as the successes and the finished paintings. After all, I am an unfinished work of art and will be until I draw my last breath. As I approach the end of my 45th year on this orb, it seems appropriate somehow to engage in this inquiry and work through where I want to go as an artist and therefore will be going from here.
